I blundered on Saturday by failing to check the latest updated terrorist profile before visiting Washington, DC. How was I to know that National Guard troops would be on the lookout for 60ish bicyclists who are too damn curious about algae?
I went riding around downtown Washington to check the latest Trump administration efforts to make Washington “safe and beautiful” for the 250th birthday celebration next month.
Across from the White House, Lafayette Square—the site of many famous protests over the last 100 years—was locked away behind high chain link fences. Armed guards waited for anyone who dreamed of transgressing the newly-prohibited domain. The park had been closed for restoration but last week, the Washington Post reported that the Trump administration is planning to permanently fence off the park from the American public.
I swung down 17th street past the Ellipse in front of the White House. That was also totally fenced off, perhaps a relic from the UFC cage match that Trump sponsored for his birthday entertainment.
I wanted to see the Reflecting Pool that President Trump boasted was twice as long as the Empire State building—except that the pool is flat.
Arriving at the Pool, I was stunned to discover that that waterway was almost as heavily militarized as the Strait of Hormuz. National Guard troops swarmed the scene. The heavy troop presence reminded me of what I saw on the streets of East Berlin in 1986.
At the Lincoln Memorial, a team of three guardsmen walked close by me. One of them announced on his radio: “One – Two – Bravo – going back on patrol.”
Da hell? Was this Baghdad in 2003 or what?
Trump wanted to have the Reflecting Pool fixed to show “American flag blue” water in time for the 250th anniversary on July 4. But the blue water quickly turned turgid green.
Before visiting DC, I neglected to perform “due diligence” and check Trump’s latest Truth Social posts. On the prior night, Trump raged on social media that the Reflecting Pool had suffered “Vandalism” by evil people who sought to “try to destroy and demean our beautiful work.”
Surveying the Pool, I saw at least a dozen National Park Service employees or contractors busy with nets. Chatting with a Park Service employee commanding one of the pump stations with a hose into the pool, I asked what those folks were doing.
“They’re removing algae,” she replied.
“I thought Trump fixed the pool two weeks ago,” I said.
She nodded.
“Maybe it was a mistake for Trump to go with a company that only offered a 72-hour warranty for its repair work,” I said.
She laughed nervously.
Three days before my visit, the Interior Department proclaimed total victory over algae at the Reflecting Pool: “Our National Park Service team is now vacuuming up the dead algae resting on the bottom of some parts of the Reflecting Pool – just like the destroyed Iranian Navy resting on the bottom of the Persian Gulf.”
Ironically, that’s the same place where Trump’s credibility on the Reflecting Pool is resting.
While I was at the Reflecting Pool, news broke that the National Guard had arrested a 67-year-old cyclist for destroying government property. But the cyclist—former world champion whitewater canoeist, David Hearn—said that he merely touched a chunk of blue paint that had floated to the top of the pool. He declared, “I didn’t destroy, break or peel anything. By the time I realized what was happening, I was already being handcuffed.”
So maybe I was getting special attention and the evil eye from the National Guard troops because I fit the latest profile of desecraters of the Reflecting Pool? Or maybe they targeted anyone with duct tape on his bicycle seat and a semi-bent front wheel?
Earlier this year in Minneapolis, federal agents were told that any anti-ICE protestor who merely touched them could be speedily arrested for assault.
But Trump’s legal wizards are going far beyond that standard to rescue the Reflecting Pool. Anyone who touched the water in the Reflecting Pool could apparently be arrested for damaging or destroying government property. Congressman Ted Lieu posted on Twitter/X: “Dear @USNationalGuard: What laws, if any, are being violated if a person touches the water in the reflecting pool?”
Perhaps the Trump team should have assigned some of the National Guard troops to deploy warning signs: “Do Not Touch the Sacred Trump Water.”
How close did I come to getting busted? I wanted to capture the overwhelming algae in the pool so I fetched out my cell phone and leaned close to the water. I had no idea that touching the water would throw myself into a legal briar patch. I kept my hands dry and out of mischief. I have come close to getting arrested at a number of DC demonstrations but I never suspected I was in legal peril on Saturday until after I read about arrests back home.
A few hours after I left the scene, Trump railed on Truth Social about “Radical Left Lunatics.” He howled: “What these terrible Vandals have done is a true affront to both Presidents George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, and should be dealt with accordingly.” Trump proclaimed that “many additional people have been arrested” for the “disgraceful Vandalism of our beautiful Reflecting Pool.”
But I got away, so any triumph over the infidels—or the vandals—was incomplete.
On Monday, Trump proclaimed that the pool “has been given a 300 foot long gash” and that “there is a 10 year prison sentence for the destruction, or even the attempted destruction, of such things - Which will be fully enforced!” The Washington Post noted that “reporters at the pool Sunday could not spot a gash fitting that description. At least eight officers patrolling the site, when asked about Trump’s allegation, could not point it out.”
On Monday afternoon, Trump told a reporter that someone cut a “300 foot slit right through [the Pool’s lining], probably [using] a box cutter or a knife.” So was this a magic box cutter or what? And was that box cutter wielded by an invisible spirit that never showed up on all the government surveillance videos? As of late Monday, the Trump administration has failed to produce any evidence of any private citizen actually damaging the Reflecting Pool.
Trump made fixing the Reflecting Pool one of his top priorities this Spring. Trump’s masterminds apparently utterly botched several steps of the process, including the paint job and the hydrogen peroxide recently dumped into the pool. The Reflecting Pool has been troubled with algae since it opened in 1922 but Trump apparently believed his power over Mother Nature is boundless.
Trump is behaving like Soviet dictator Josef Stalin denouncing “wreckers” for sabotaging his Five Year Plan to inflict communism. It is not possible that Trump’s own policies are foolish: MAGA needs villains. Trump’s howling about leftists and “dumocats” absolve his own follies—at least in the minds of his core supporters. Trump announced on Monday afternoon that he is considering suing ABC News for their reporting on how he bollixed the repair job at the Pool.
But there were some dissenting voices by the Reflecting Pool. A protester in a giant pink frog outfit labeled AMPHIFA carried a sign warning: “First They Came for the Algae.”
Plenty of pundits and politicians are outraged about the $14+ million fizzled on the Reflecting Pool project. But this episode actually is worth its weight in gold—or at least in algae.
Trump’s Reflecting Pool fiasco is one of the most vivid homefront government interventions of the year. The Trump administration recently announced plans for $160 million in “civics education,” bankrolling vehement MAGA organizations to help indoctrinate young Americans about the president’s greatness. The Reflecting Pool can become a case study on the folly of giving blank checks or sweeping discretionary power to presidents—or anyone else.
Perhaps even more valuable, Trump’s pratfall could provide a lasting warning of how rulers use demagoguery to shroud their debacles. But don’t expect federally-subsidized “civics education” to ever deliver that message.
