Jokes

Ok, I have decided that the butt of all jokes should be politicians from now on.  So, I am going to start posting old jokes and substituting politicians for whatever group used to be in the joke.  Here is the first one:

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his neighbor, a politician came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

The politician opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into the house.

A little later the politician came out of the house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house the politician went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here the politician came again. The politician marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by the politicians actions, the man asked the politician, "Is something wrong?"

To which the politician replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I've got mail!"  

6/24:

Q: What do UFO's and smart politicians have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A politician going through a flashing red light

Q: What would you do if a politician threw a hand grenade right at you?
A: You'd pull the pin and throw it back.

Awesome =]

That is so awesome.  Really.  I think I have a jokes database lying around somewhere.  Hmmmm....

Spideynw:

Ok, I have decided that the butt of all jokes should be politicians from now on.

The subjugated peoples of communist East Germany beat you to it.

 

"Two Berliner children spoke to each other over the wall. The little girl in the west says, while eating a banana, "Look - I have a banana." The boy in the East doesn't want to be inferior to her in anything and says, full of pride: "We have socialism." The girl counters: "So, we'll have socialism soon too." The boy, triumphant: "See, then you won't have any bananas anymore either.""

 

I think a book has been published recently about jokes during Eastern European communism. 

One of them was that a man goes to buy a Lada (Russian car) and is told that he can collect it on a certain day 10 years from now. 

The customer asks, "Will that be the morning or afternoon?". 

"What does it matter?", replies the salesman.

"Well,", says the customer, "I have the plumber coming in the morning.".

 

 

 A politician calls his girlfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me, I have a jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started.

His girlfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The politician says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."  His girlfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

He lets her in and shows her where he has the puzzle spread all over the table.

She studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to him and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

She takes his hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." she sighs, "...let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

It's "Parental Profession Day" at Billy Joe's school. All kids are asked to name their parents' jobs, and so they do. Lastly, young Billy Joe is called up to inform the class.

"My mother's a stay-at-home mom, and my daddy works in the whorehouse." Everybody laughs, even little Billy Joe.

Worried about the father's immoral impact on Billy Joe, the teacher invites his mother for a talk. When asked about daddy's extraordinary occupation, mommy replies:

"Oh, you have to understand. Billy's ashamed of his father's real employment: he's our senator's undersecretary."

Everyone says they like Harpo. My favorite Marx brother was Karl.

Dyslexics Of The World, Untie!! You Have Nothing To Chain But Your Soles

 How are Socialism and Hell alike?

People are working their lives away for an eternity of suffering and pain in incredible heat

Hell is pretty damm hot too!

 

Honecker and Mielke are discussing their hobbies.
Honecker: "I collect all the jokes about me that are in circulation."
Mielke: "Then we have almost the same hobby. I collect those who bring the jokes into circulation."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GDR_jokes

There is no question that the Soviets brutally oppressed everyone in their path.  They had an eye on West Germany, and they were determined to force us to give it up.  They cut off transport to West Berlin and tried to install nuclear missiles in Cuba capable of reaching Washington, D.C., to threaten us into giving up territory abroad.  So, my question is, was the U.S. in the right in airlifting troops and supplies to West Berlin every three minutes around the clock and, by extension, defending the world against Soviet expansion?