Ego:I have explained why punishing victims for defending themselves is evil. There is nothing wrong with being "utilitarian" about defending rights. Tell me, what would do you want to happen if a weak old woman shot a physically intimidating unarmed intruder? Punish her? What about my rape example? Would you punish the victims, too?
The problem is being utilitarian in determing whether or not a rights violation has occurred. Your argument, including the rape case, boil down to consequences. If we're going to be consequentialist about it, then, I should point out that your criteria make it very difficult to prosecute any murderer at all. The person accused of murder would need only to establish that they had a subjective feeling of threat - and how exactly could the prosecution disprove this claim?
No one, as far as I know, would disagree with you that "punishing victims for defending themselves" is evil. The question is just what are the bounds of self-defense. Specifically, I didn't disagree with you all that much on the legal question, certainly in the case of an intruder. I support the Castle Principle, which gives the legal benefit of the doubt to the homeowner. Having agreed, at least in obvious cases, on the legal question, the moral question remains open, and relevant. The law needs to be, in a sense, algorithmic - it needs to come up with answers in every case, and in cases where it's unclear, we need to know ahead of time which way it will lean. Morality doesn't have this pressing nature, and allows for, in my opinion, more fruitful discussions. Having established that the homeowner shouldn't be punished for his action, it still remains a question as to whether or not he acted correctly, whether or not his act was just, and what he should do.
FYI, as I discussed on other threads, I am not an Objectivist, and one of my strongest points of disagreement with Objectivism is the moral value assigned to life. I simply don't think that protecting my life outweighs other moral concerns - and I think most people can be pushed to a point where they agree, as well. Demonstrating that adherence to what I claimed as a moral conduct would lead to death will not dissuade me.