Toyota to Build New Vehicle Despite Flaws In Design
Toyota Motor Corporation has announced plans to move forward with a radical new automobile depite massive flaws in the design. While members of the motoring public are expressing outrage at this irresponsible decision Toyota has defended their decision saything that the benefits to the public outweigh the risks and that the problems will be fixed after the car reaches the consumers.
Benefits cited by the troubled automaker are many and most customers will appreciate them almost immediately. For one thing, Toyota claims that the vehicle uses no gasoline at all. While it does require gasoline in the tank, a sophisticated re-constitution system running on solar power will recombined the exhaust byproducts back into gasoline that will then be pumped back into the tank ready for use again. One tank, they claim, should last about fifty years and produce zero greenhouse gasses.
Also of note, the car is said to be impervious to wrecks. It can not be damaged. "The paint can obviously be scraped," Toyota's president was heard to say, "but repainting is much less expensive than replacement!"
While consumers might expect a hefty price tag on this revolutionary new design, that's the biggest surprise of all. This car will not cost one penny more than their current cheapest model, and is actually expected to drive auto prices far lower and help the world economy rebound. Adding incredible styling to the mix along with a zero to 60 time of less than 5 seconds as well as seating for 8, Toyota expects their new ride to, "Pretty much put the competition out of business." And since it requires no fossile fuels, or any energy at all, to manufacture this incredible new vehicle, it will go a long way towards protecting the environment.
This new vehicle is not without it's problems though. First, and perhaps most important, it doesn't work. Yes, it looks great, and the interior is magnificent, but testers couldn't get the engine to start. But they did note that they enjoyed simply sitting in such a flawless piece of artwork. Toyota promises to fix this problem soon after the car is put into production and, they add, as long as the engine doesn't work, it will help prevent wrecks. Moreover, until the problem is fixed, owners won't be required to register their vehicles or carry insurance, reducing costs significantly. That this feature of the vehicle was factored into it's incredible ability to survive wrecks in no way detracts from its safety rating, Toyota maintains.
There are a number of other problems as well including the tendency to rust when exposed to air and an electronics and computer system that currently don't do anything but make the lights blink. There have also been reports of a tendency of the vehicle to roll over whether in motion or not. Toyota guarantees these problems will be fixed at the company's expense after the drivers have taken possession of the vehicle which they will begin taking orders for yesterday.
Toyota has not yet identified the plant where this new vehicle is to be built but executives have hinted that it may be located somewhere on Earth. They also feel that the workers will offer to assemble the vehicle for free simply for the honor of being an employee of Toyota. The raw materials are expected to be gathered from meteorites randomly falling on the Earth so represent another significant cost savings. Any fluctations in the price of the vehicle as a result of ungrateful employees demanding to be paid for their labor or failure of meteorites to supply the necessary raw materials will be billed to the customer.
Despite these problems, Toyota is confident that the public, seeing the obvious benefits of the vehicle will begin sending checks to their dealers for the expected delivery some time in the next couple of years. Given their high customer quality, potential customers polled fully trusted Toyota to fix any problems after they take delivery. They decried opposition by consumer groups to sell a vehicle with obvious problems and that has not been certified as safe, economical, or even feasible, as typical naysayer whining by those fixated on the status quo of rising vehicle prices. "The world needs this vehicle now!" their president was heard to say. "It is too important not to build and any problems can be fixed later!"
The name of this revolutionary vehicle? Toyota is currently trying to decide between the Medicus or the Insura but an invasion of rats at their headquarters has driven the executive staff into refuge at a resort in Thailand where they were unable to be reached for comment.